Suspended for Violating Team Policy

As most of my blog ideas come to me, this one has come in the middle of todays bowl game. Mizzou is playing Iowa in the Insight Bowl. I'm watching on tv and though we are ahead I can't really seem to get into the game. It's as if my mind has been suspended from Tiger Football due to violation of team policy. There has been so much on my mind, good stuff, not bad. My life has been fantastic lately, always, but more lately. I have so much enjoyed sitting around my house and just chilling. My family is fantastic and so understanding and I've gotten to eat more than my fill.
While being home not much super exciting has happened. I keep breathing and eating and sleeping. I keep in contact with my friends and I am okay with this. I am okay with wearing my pjs all day. I am comfortable not doing a thing at all.
This is a new thing for me. Usually I'm a busy bee running all around but here, I'm just a daughter home from school. Over break I have forgotten that I am home from school and I have just been home. It's nice to be home and actually feel like I'm home. Not that I don't miss Columbia and all, it's just nice to be here and be extremely happy.
I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. Life is about doing what makes you happy. You should do everything possible to make this happen and get rid of anyone that keeps you from it. I also believe that overcoming obstacles makes you stronger but some obstacles are in your way for the wrong reasons. Challenge yourself but not with obviously unbeatable challenges.
One of my favorite exchanges in Say Anything(movie) goes as follows:
"No one thinks we are going to make it do they?"
"No, but you just described every great success story."
When I think I'm being silly or way out of my zone then I think of this. I think of the boy and girl who loved each other so much that they were willing to overcome obstacles like that. Sometimes it is essential to remind ourselves that overcoming these obstacles takes two people, not just one with a lot of heart.
I believe that all you need is love more than most things in this world. I will continue to search for it and never stop enjoying what I find.
Don't get so caught up in the destination that you forget to enjoy the trip. The trip is half the fun and let me tell you, my trip is amazing. Keep searching readers, keep looking for that person whose love for you will go beyond the grave to "that crack at the edge of the end of the world."
I know sometimes it's tough, and sometimes you need a little push to do something you wouldn't normally feel comfortable doing. This is your push. This is me pushing you to sever the cords that hold you back and tie you to an unmovable obstacle. Cut it. I've done all but buy you the scissors. Be happy and let yourself be that way. Don't be afraid to rely on yourself to find you love along your journey. Some of the best parts of your journey are spent alone. The growing times and the reflecting times. The times for you to find what you are looking for.
Open your eyes readers and look around. You might be missing something that's right in front of you, like that boy you sit next to in math.
Pack your bags and take off for somewhere greener, somewhere warmer. Violate team policy.

This is the link for the Say Anything(band) song I quoted in todays blog:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEyDnLFqcUM

Small Poem On Sunday.

Nothing insanely important has happened.

Life has not been crazy exciting.

I have been living it.

I have been loving it. 

And that is what life is.

It is simple.

It is amazing.

It is beautiful.

I am completely

Insanely

Uncontrollably happy.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm in an amazing relationship.

With an amazing boy.

I have a phenomenal family.

That I love very much.

I am happy.

Totally Uncut

Today really was amazing. Shawn has been running around Mt. Vernon with me seeing all of the sights and meeting the family. I think he has been fitting right it. The past several days we have been running around having him meet everyone and it has been kind of hectic. He was planning on leaving this morning but upon realizing he was going home to an empty house my mom asked if he wanted to stay another day, which he did. It was nice to have a completely unplanned day together. We sat around most of the day after breakfast and even took a nap this afternoon. We're kind of like an old married couple.
Tonight we went ice skating with an old friend of mine and had a blast. It is so much fun to be together. We don't have to be serious at all. We have fun just playing around and being silly. It's finally nice to find someone who I am completely open with and who likes me anyway. We literally have done nothing special and I've had a fantastic Taylor Swift - Today Was A Fairytale kind of day.
Now usually I don't get this way about boys but this one is nice. I feel like even ten years down the road I won't be upset about bragging about having this kind of fun.
That's it for my post today reguarding Shawn.
My family really has been amazing this last week. Not that I'm suprised, I just missed them I guess. It's nice to be home and in a place where I can relax and not do anything for the majority of the day. Now that I"m away at college most of the time I do a lot of the "sitting around and watching football" I hated so much in high school.
I don't have much more to say other than Merry Christmas incase I forget.
Reach out and touch someone and if you still feel alone, touch yourself.
Goodnight readers.

Finals

The snow has already melted and is refreezing as I type. The viscous cycle that will keep me nervous about driving for the next several days. Finals are upon us and I can't find my zen. I can't find the motivation and honestly, I can't find much of anything lately. It's not that I'm unhappy, I'm insanely happy. I don't want anything to change. I just...want to feel good at something. I'm not bad at school, not even close, I'm just not really the best at what I should be good at. I'm not good at Accounting or Math. Those are the two finals I have left. I can't bring myself to study for Accounting because I know I don't know enough. I plan on being in office hours for as long as it takes tomorrow. I will do well and I will pass this class. I have it set in my mind that I will get a B on my exam which (hopefully) will give me a C in the class. If this doesn't happen, I suppose I'll take it again. I don't want to, but I'm going to.
The point of this is, I know I should be studying, I just...can't. So for all of you out there studying,  know you're not the only one struggling.

Swim

"There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool. "


Ahhh the refreshing view of a white space where my only job is to type. I have missed you readers. Truth be told nothing insanely significant has happened in your absence, sometimes I just like to tell you things I think.The quote I started with today is from the Tim Burton film Big Fish. If you haven't seen it, again I highly suggest it. It's a framework story about a boy getting to know his father while on his death bed. That's about all I can tell you. 
This quote really stuck with me today. I was writing my final portfolio paper for poetry today and I used a line that I use a lot in my little pep-talks to myself. If you don't jump, you'll never find out if you can fly. This quote really ties into this thought for me.


Sometimes you have to take risks. You've got to risk it to get the biscuit. In life, thougth it may be scary, you have to risk some things. I would like to boldly go where no man has gone before but I'm not going to get there by sitting here in the basement sulking about how anticlimactic my life is. Get out there. Do.


I've been struggling to get my thoughts cohesively down on paper lately so pardon my rambles. I would like to share a poem with you that I submitted along with my paper in my final portfolio. It's entitled Slip.

Slip 

I run as fast as I can. I feel the wind in my hair encouraging me to run and the blades of grass tickling my little pink toes, giving me traction.                        
I’m the fastest kid alive.                                               

I see the perfect wet runway laid out in front of me like a wrinkled yellow brick road waiting to take me to Oz. The wonderful Land of Oz.

It’s almost time for this purposeful crash landing.

Water drips down my face as I run my fingers through my hair getting them caught up in the tangles of summer. The sun is setting and my sunburned cheeks scream for more moisture. They thirst for the splash.

I fling myself into the air pretending to be my own human version of Tekken. Grandma and Grandpa watch from the porch as I twist and turn. I never was any good with combos. I may never come down.

Seconds later I flop on my belly. Hard and fast I slide down the Big Bird tarp. A constant strip of yellow beckoning for my skin. Summertime fun in a box all folded up nice. You never can fold it right again.

A human pancake cooking in the sun. I slide.

I slide down this hill splashing all of my onlookers. I leave the next champion in my wake as I get closer and closer to the end. Slipping off of it’s edges as I squirm down this wet runway. They clap and jump on grasshopper legs waiting for their turn to shine. Shine in the glistening reflection of the sun on their backs and the colorful swimsuits that Mom got last summer on sale.

My elbows and knees fly in every direction as I squeeze my eyes closed and hold my breath tight.

SPLASH!

I’m a giggling torpedo, a speeding bullet of waves. A little girl that’s nothing but happy. So close to my target. Inches away I feel the cool of that giant, refreshing pool of water radiating towards me.

I crash land in a giant pool. My face full of cold spring water.

Slide.

This poem was hard for me to finish. I struggled with it and tried to make it right in so many ways and this was my final product. I know it's hard to compare poetry adequately to life but I had to do something I was afraid of in order to get the good out of this poem. I had to write it in prose form which is a big no no for me but the point is it worked.

The point of my blog today is that life is worth it. It's worth jumping in feet first for and swimming until you can't swim any longer. It's worth fighting for and struggling because eventually you will get to the surface again and you'll forget about the struggle you've been having all along.

Perk up, kiss the boy, and show the world that you are anything but ordinary. You can do whatever you put your mind to because you, as a person, matter. You are significant, important and beautiful. LIfe will take everything from you but you have to force it to give you back even more. Keep fighting and keep showing everyone you're a fool, if that's what it takes. Sometimes it's worth the slip.