Suspended for Violating Team Policy

As most of my blog ideas come to me, this one has come in the middle of todays bowl game. Mizzou is playing Iowa in the Insight Bowl. I'm watching on tv and though we are ahead I can't really seem to get into the game. It's as if my mind has been suspended from Tiger Football due to violation of team policy. There has been so much on my mind, good stuff, not bad. My life has been fantastic lately, always, but more lately. I have so much enjoyed sitting around my house and just chilling. My family is fantastic and so understanding and I've gotten to eat more than my fill.
While being home not much super exciting has happened. I keep breathing and eating and sleeping. I keep in contact with my friends and I am okay with this. I am okay with wearing my pjs all day. I am comfortable not doing a thing at all.
This is a new thing for me. Usually I'm a busy bee running all around but here, I'm just a daughter home from school. Over break I have forgotten that I am home from school and I have just been home. It's nice to be home and actually feel like I'm home. Not that I don't miss Columbia and all, it's just nice to be here and be extremely happy.
I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. Life is about doing what makes you happy. You should do everything possible to make this happen and get rid of anyone that keeps you from it. I also believe that overcoming obstacles makes you stronger but some obstacles are in your way for the wrong reasons. Challenge yourself but not with obviously unbeatable challenges.
One of my favorite exchanges in Say Anything(movie) goes as follows:
"No one thinks we are going to make it do they?"
"No, but you just described every great success story."
When I think I'm being silly or way out of my zone then I think of this. I think of the boy and girl who loved each other so much that they were willing to overcome obstacles like that. Sometimes it is essential to remind ourselves that overcoming these obstacles takes two people, not just one with a lot of heart.
I believe that all you need is love more than most things in this world. I will continue to search for it and never stop enjoying what I find.
Don't get so caught up in the destination that you forget to enjoy the trip. The trip is half the fun and let me tell you, my trip is amazing. Keep searching readers, keep looking for that person whose love for you will go beyond the grave to "that crack at the edge of the end of the world."
I know sometimes it's tough, and sometimes you need a little push to do something you wouldn't normally feel comfortable doing. This is your push. This is me pushing you to sever the cords that hold you back and tie you to an unmovable obstacle. Cut it. I've done all but buy you the scissors. Be happy and let yourself be that way. Don't be afraid to rely on yourself to find you love along your journey. Some of the best parts of your journey are spent alone. The growing times and the reflecting times. The times for you to find what you are looking for.
Open your eyes readers and look around. You might be missing something that's right in front of you, like that boy you sit next to in math.
Pack your bags and take off for somewhere greener, somewhere warmer. Violate team policy.

This is the link for the Say Anything(band) song I quoted in todays blog:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEyDnLFqcUM

Small Poem On Sunday.

Nothing insanely important has happened.

Life has not been crazy exciting.

I have been living it.

I have been loving it. 

And that is what life is.

It is simple.

It is amazing.

It is beautiful.

I am completely

Insanely

Uncontrollably happy.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm in an amazing relationship.

With an amazing boy.

I have a phenomenal family.

That I love very much.

I am happy.

Totally Uncut

Today really was amazing. Shawn has been running around Mt. Vernon with me seeing all of the sights and meeting the family. I think he has been fitting right it. The past several days we have been running around having him meet everyone and it has been kind of hectic. He was planning on leaving this morning but upon realizing he was going home to an empty house my mom asked if he wanted to stay another day, which he did. It was nice to have a completely unplanned day together. We sat around most of the day after breakfast and even took a nap this afternoon. We're kind of like an old married couple.
Tonight we went ice skating with an old friend of mine and had a blast. It is so much fun to be together. We don't have to be serious at all. We have fun just playing around and being silly. It's finally nice to find someone who I am completely open with and who likes me anyway. We literally have done nothing special and I've had a fantastic Taylor Swift - Today Was A Fairytale kind of day.
Now usually I don't get this way about boys but this one is nice. I feel like even ten years down the road I won't be upset about bragging about having this kind of fun.
That's it for my post today reguarding Shawn.
My family really has been amazing this last week. Not that I'm suprised, I just missed them I guess. It's nice to be home and in a place where I can relax and not do anything for the majority of the day. Now that I"m away at college most of the time I do a lot of the "sitting around and watching football" I hated so much in high school.
I don't have much more to say other than Merry Christmas incase I forget.
Reach out and touch someone and if you still feel alone, touch yourself.
Goodnight readers.

Finals

The snow has already melted and is refreezing as I type. The viscous cycle that will keep me nervous about driving for the next several days. Finals are upon us and I can't find my zen. I can't find the motivation and honestly, I can't find much of anything lately. It's not that I'm unhappy, I'm insanely happy. I don't want anything to change. I just...want to feel good at something. I'm not bad at school, not even close, I'm just not really the best at what I should be good at. I'm not good at Accounting or Math. Those are the two finals I have left. I can't bring myself to study for Accounting because I know I don't know enough. I plan on being in office hours for as long as it takes tomorrow. I will do well and I will pass this class. I have it set in my mind that I will get a B on my exam which (hopefully) will give me a C in the class. If this doesn't happen, I suppose I'll take it again. I don't want to, but I'm going to.
The point of this is, I know I should be studying, I just...can't. So for all of you out there studying,  know you're not the only one struggling.

Swim

"There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool. "


Ahhh the refreshing view of a white space where my only job is to type. I have missed you readers. Truth be told nothing insanely significant has happened in your absence, sometimes I just like to tell you things I think.The quote I started with today is from the Tim Burton film Big Fish. If you haven't seen it, again I highly suggest it. It's a framework story about a boy getting to know his father while on his death bed. That's about all I can tell you. 
This quote really stuck with me today. I was writing my final portfolio paper for poetry today and I used a line that I use a lot in my little pep-talks to myself. If you don't jump, you'll never find out if you can fly. This quote really ties into this thought for me.


Sometimes you have to take risks. You've got to risk it to get the biscuit. In life, thougth it may be scary, you have to risk some things. I would like to boldly go where no man has gone before but I'm not going to get there by sitting here in the basement sulking about how anticlimactic my life is. Get out there. Do.


I've been struggling to get my thoughts cohesively down on paper lately so pardon my rambles. I would like to share a poem with you that I submitted along with my paper in my final portfolio. It's entitled Slip.

Slip 

I run as fast as I can. I feel the wind in my hair encouraging me to run and the blades of grass tickling my little pink toes, giving me traction.                        
I’m the fastest kid alive.                                               

I see the perfect wet runway laid out in front of me like a wrinkled yellow brick road waiting to take me to Oz. The wonderful Land of Oz.

It’s almost time for this purposeful crash landing.

Water drips down my face as I run my fingers through my hair getting them caught up in the tangles of summer. The sun is setting and my sunburned cheeks scream for more moisture. They thirst for the splash.

I fling myself into the air pretending to be my own human version of Tekken. Grandma and Grandpa watch from the porch as I twist and turn. I never was any good with combos. I may never come down.

Seconds later I flop on my belly. Hard and fast I slide down the Big Bird tarp. A constant strip of yellow beckoning for my skin. Summertime fun in a box all folded up nice. You never can fold it right again.

A human pancake cooking in the sun. I slide.

I slide down this hill splashing all of my onlookers. I leave the next champion in my wake as I get closer and closer to the end. Slipping off of it’s edges as I squirm down this wet runway. They clap and jump on grasshopper legs waiting for their turn to shine. Shine in the glistening reflection of the sun on their backs and the colorful swimsuits that Mom got last summer on sale.

My elbows and knees fly in every direction as I squeeze my eyes closed and hold my breath tight.

SPLASH!

I’m a giggling torpedo, a speeding bullet of waves. A little girl that’s nothing but happy. So close to my target. Inches away I feel the cool of that giant, refreshing pool of water radiating towards me.

I crash land in a giant pool. My face full of cold spring water.

Slide.

This poem was hard for me to finish. I struggled with it and tried to make it right in so many ways and this was my final product. I know it's hard to compare poetry adequately to life but I had to do something I was afraid of in order to get the good out of this poem. I had to write it in prose form which is a big no no for me but the point is it worked.

The point of my blog today is that life is worth it. It's worth jumping in feet first for and swimming until you can't swim any longer. It's worth fighting for and struggling because eventually you will get to the surface again and you'll forget about the struggle you've been having all along.

Perk up, kiss the boy, and show the world that you are anything but ordinary. You can do whatever you put your mind to because you, as a person, matter. You are significant, important and beautiful. LIfe will take everything from you but you have to force it to give you back even more. Keep fighting and keep showing everyone you're a fool, if that's what it takes. Sometimes it's worth the slip.

Slapsgiving

First off, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope your days were filled with turkey and your afternoons filled with naps. I know it snowed and iced for a little bit here, nothing too drastic, but it reminded me I was back in southwest Missouri. The first snow is always a fun thing for me. It seems like it's been so long since you've seen snow that it's like its own little miracle. The flakes seem so huge and yet so small, you don't know how they can cover the whole ground in a night.

I had a great Thanksgiving with my family. I ran around like a crazy person from house to house trying to see everyone. Of course I wait to see everyone until the last day I'm in town. Foolish mistakes I constantly find myself making.

I've had an excellent week at home. As I sit here, knowing I won't be back for several weeks I'm torn. Though I love it here, I do miss Columbia and my cramped dorm. It may be small but it's mine. I also find myself already missing Mt. Vernon. I love it here, now that I've gone away. The relaxed atmosphere is very soothing when I'm used to getting four hours of sleep a night. I feel like I'm a thousand miles away when I'm at school when really it's only a few hours. I'm already missing my family and my dog. I know I'll see them soon, but I'm still a big baby when it comes to leaving. I cry every time.

My family is so fortunate to have such a large network of people that care about us as much as they do. Thank you to everyone. You know who you are. The whole three of you who read my blog. Thank you, I really do appreciate it. Plus it keeps me from sounding rude by saying "if you read my blog you'd know that." ha

Tonight is my usual Garden State night, but I think I've covered enough of that. I think I'll take a bath and relax. Enjoy my last sleep in a normal sized bed with actual good sheets and not dorm stuff.
When I leave I always try to prepare myself the night before. Just let myself remember that I need to be strong for the people here that need me. The last few times I've done a good job about not crying until I'm out of the driveway.

I guess what I'm saying is hug your mamma. Tell your dad you love him. It's Thanksgiving. Be happy.

Circumstantial Part 2

SPOILER ALERT!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTnzPuFPxPw&feature=related

This is the video clip to the end of Garden State. Incase you are interested.

Circumstancial

Since I've been home I've gotten to spend a lot of time with my family. This is something I realize that I greatly for advantage before I left to go to college. When I'm away I remember the little things about my family and that is what I miss. I don't miss the movie theatre where I spent a ton of my time in high school or the park. I miss my family. I miss Aubree running around with Samauri. I miss Steve napping in the chair and Mom cooking dinner when I came home from school. As has become my tradition, I watched Garden State tonight. I try and watch it at least once when I'm home. It reminds me that sometimes it takes a new person, and a trip home to make you realize that this is your life. I know I've talked about this before. My Nanny tells me all the time that this is my life. Right here and right now. I'm living it. Something new and fantastic isn't going to happen that marks the start of my life. This is it. Me sitting on this faded old blue leather couch in wrapped up in the fabrics of people that I love. Being home has made me appreciate it, as it always does.

When you're away from a place with it's own oven, and you suddenly find yourself with an unlimited supply of oven, your first instinct is to make cupcakes, which I did. When you realize that this is your hallway and you don't share it with 29 other girls you automatically walk to your room from the shower naked, which I do. I feel like the little things in life go unnoticed. I'm not going to get into this because I've blogged extensively about it already.

Another thing I realized today that really matters are circumstances. As I write this I'm tearing up because I'm a mixture of happy and sad. Today Steve, Amelia and I went to Oklahoma and went to the casino. We love to do this. Ever since I turned eighteen it seems like we have been frequenting the casino (some of us more than others). Since I'm away roughly eleven months out of the year I don't get to make this trip as often as I like. Today I made it. For one day I forgot everything that bothers me about my family. I forgot all of the little irritating things that they do and drive me mad and I even forgot that Steve was sick.

Being in this atmosphere, all of the noises and lights, made me forget who I was and what my circumstances were. I didn't think about Mizzou until one of the employees mentioned it. I didn't think about college or the fact that I was home for Thanksgiving. I was just home and out to the casino for the afternoon with my family. I loved that feeling. Now the feeling of realizing the circumstances again was swift and jolting but I also realized that this is something I can't change and that I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

I took a hot tub with my mom tonight and we talked about the ins and outs of life, like we normally do in your tub. As I've said many times, life isn't hard. There are only situations that arise, circumstances if you will, that make it seem hard. I've decided that I'm going to ignore these circumstances and situations and just continue living my life. I have talked to my mom several times about how people act differently around people who are sick, and their families. Don't. Just because someone's body is a little off kilter doesn't mean that they can't gamble like they used to. I think sometimes I need reminding of that. I don't believe I treat Steve any differently because of his illness and I don't intend to start now.

Today was just a jogger. A memory flash of how important these little things in life are to me and how I took them for granted before I was away from my family for extended periods of time. I'm not going to do that any more. I've found that this break I haven't really wanted to hang out with my friends as much. I've wanted to spend time with my family. Though I have been gone a few times, I am trying my best to stay around home because I want to. Because these people are important and I love them.

Now this may all seem like rambling but it makes me feel better to write it. I love my family very much and I miss them unconditionally. I say that this is my home but my life is in Columbia and I still believe that. Back to Garden State. There is a quote in this movie spoken by the main character Andrew Largeman. I think it's pretty self explanatory. It helped me a lot when I was leaving for college and sometimes even does now.

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
 
Sam: I still feel at home in my house. 

Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place


I think that family is just a group of people that misses the same imaginary place. I know as a piece of my family I miss when we are all together. Though it may not be the most perfect gathering, it's home.


Koleen Kay
Mt. Vernon, Missouri
The Basement

I'm Alive

I'm sitting in my parents bed with Steve watching Whitetail Bucks, or some sort of hunting show. The little boy on the show is shooting the biggest buck I've ever seen and it is pretty exciting. Since I've been home it's been in the 70's and excellent weather. I have been basically just hanging out with my family and a few friends. It has been nice here and I am excited about it. I am also excited about thanksgiving. I miss everyone from CoMo but I will see them soon enough. I'm loving family time and Samauri time. I wish I could bring him back with me.

That's about all I have. The people who read this talk to me as far as I know but here is a note just saying, hey, I'm alive.

Girl Talk

As you might have noticed I've done some renovations on the site. I've done this to make this blog more personal and I'd like to explain the additions to you. First of all the quote is from Blow. A movie made in 2001 that is about George Young, a very notorious cocaine dealer from the seventies. This movies sounds silly but I consider it one of the better films I have seen. I've been watching it a lot lately and I think that is because the characters are so raw. They live such glamourous lives that it's worth going to jail for sixty years. If you haven't seen it, I highly suggest it. Plus it has Johnny Depp in it, if that helps.
I think the quote really gets to me because it just explains the attitude of life. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's not. You just have to deal with it and know that at the end of the day it will even itself out.

The first picture has to do with a Kurt Vonnegut book Slaughterhouse Five. It has to be one of my favorite novels as well as the books I have mentioned previously. In my mind this place, where everything is beautiful and nothing hurt, is everywhere and can be found in anyone. This place is constantly in my mind and I try to find it when I feel like i've lost my place in the world. Sometimes people loose their marbles, you just need a friend to help them pick them all up again.

The second picture is a picture of myself and my niece Aubree. It was taken the day she was baptized and that day was really important to me. I am one of her godparents and that is really important in my eyes. She is one of the most important people in my life and I thought she deserved some credit. She is such a smart little girl. Sometimes I forget that she is so little.

Now to the raunchy stuff. Today has gone well. I won't deny that. Today I got to sleep in (kind of) and take a day off from running after I was told by several people that I was going to hurt myself if I didn't take it easy. So that was nice. A lot has been going on my life and it's been kind of hard to organize it all. Steve had his tests yesterday to see if he continues chemo or not and we find out the results on Thursday. Hopefully all is well and all of the cancer is gone. That would be a day when everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

My friends are great, yes, all three of you. My family is great. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't obnoxiously call my Nanny about three times a day and tell her about the inner workings of my mind. I can't explain my mood, which is usually the case. I guess I"m just here today. I try my hardest to make every day count, and today has as far as face time, class time, and study time, but not in the "i'm doing something important" category. I'm just being.

I tell one of my best friends that it's easy to decide to be in a good mood then just be in a good mood so I am trying my damnedest to do that.  I got a ton of new music today including the new Girl Talk cd which I like very much. I don't really have a deep and lesson filled way to end this blog today and I apologize for that. Sometimes you're bust. What can I say?

I get to go home in three days and I get to see Harry Potter in two so I should be insanely happy, and I am. I just have a lot on my mind lately, so don't blame me if my smile slips from time to thime. I have no doubt that being at home will make me feel better or that I need it, sometimes it's just hard for me to leave columbia when I'm not quite ready. My life is here but my family is not. That is the never ending problem isn't it? Having to choose.

Dark and Early

Good morning. Obviously I'm one of three college students awake at 5:15am but I'm up. I've been getting up this early and practicing for my half marathon with Morgan and I have to say it sucks pretty bad. I meant to write last night but once the clock struck 2am I thought I better try and go to sleep. Here goes nothing.

Last night at work one of my favorite customers came in. Her name is Pat and I first met her and her husband Warren at Chili's when they came in to try the place. I guess I gave them good service because they kept coming back and asking for me, which I love. I've been working there for about 8months or so now and they've been there with me the whole way.
Pat came in last night to deliver some tough news. Warren passed away on Oct. 27th. This was completely unexpected and rough for everyone. Needless to say I would really appreciate it if you kept them all in your thoughts and prayers. It really touched my heart that Pat thought to come tell me. It wasn't that she came to eat and just so happened to let me know. She came in specifically to let me know. I've decided to be friends with her and I think it will be a great thing for both of us.
 After work I watched Valentine's Day with some friends and it got me thinking about love. Now I believe in love more than almost anything. I think that it can do anything you want it to do and more. I don't care if people say it's a fairytale. I believe love really is all it's cracked up to be. I believe it's worth fighting for and I believe to the bottom of my heart that it is worth risking everything for. Now other than my family I can't say I love many people. A few choice friends make the list but other than that it's tough. I think I've been in love, and if it wasn't, it must have been a lot like it.

I can't tell you what love is. I can't explain it to you, I don't think anyone could. But I know it's important. It's like when you are doing something really special and for some reason you know that it is going to matter, you just don't know why yet.

I guess in conclusion (because I must get up and run now) is that you should never stop trying to make connections. You should never stop looking for love. You might find it in the oddest of places. Even your waitress on a warm Sunday night.
As always readers, keep trying, keep acting, keep  loving.
I love you

Hope

Let's talk about hope. It's been told for centuries that pandora opened up her box and all that was left was hope. I think hope and faith have a lot to do with each other. Now I don't normally talk about religion but here I am going to, bear with me for a paragraph. Hebrews says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." This is what makes me think that the two are related. This has nothing to do with the rest of this blog.

If you don't have hope, what do you have? An empty box. I believe to the core of me that if you want something you should go after it with all you have and never let it go. You should keep running and running until you physically cannot move. You should never give up. When I was little, as i've discussed before, I was taught that I shouldn't half ass things. I guess it stuck.

Never give up hope. It's the only thing in this world that is truely yours.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow marks the fourth morning I will wake up before the sun and run. This is a very new thing for me but for only doing it this long, I've become a little dependent on it. It's a constant in my life and as of right now, I really need that. There are constants in my life like my friends, who you know I care greatly for and recently Shawn has become a staple. All of these people are there for me everyday and I'm so thankful for that.
Tomorrow also marks the last day before my unrelaxing weekend starts. I'm not excited about this but I am excited to get out of the world where I constantly think and into the world of work where I just memorize orders until I get to the micro station to order them.
There are people in my life I have been relying on that haven't really been there for me lately. I have a feeling that they know this, but they don't care enough to read my blog so they'll never know for sure. I'm a firm believer in the idea that people come into your life for a reason and they leave for a reason, but I also believe that it doesn't have to be pretty when they do leave.
Sometimes life is rough and sometimes you get pushed down but you can't give up. You can't rely on other people because at the end of the day it's just you. You are all you have. Other people will leave you, disgrace you, and throw you under the bus.
In all of this I challenge you today to be okay with you.
For one simple day just be okay with being you and be happy about it.
You are important.
You are beautiful.
You are significant.
Don't be afraid.

Happy Outcast.

Today in my poetry class we talked a little bit about everyone having a story. The idea that everyone you pass has their own story that is just as complicated and important as yours is a very hard idea for me to grasp. It's hard to think that Hitler had a family that loved and cared for him or that Brittany Spears has to go to the grocery store. All of these things are just hard for me to think about. This probably has a lot to do with me feeling like a happy outcast in this class. I find it hard to believe that life is all sad and dreary "my parents beat me" mumbo. I know that some people do have it rough and I don't mean to come across as cold to others problems but I am a firm believer of what i've come to call a Janie Dossism. One of her, and my, favories is "put on your big girl panties and deal with it." Don't write a poem about it and if you do, use it yourself. Don't put it out there and make people feel sorry for you. But that's enough projecting for one day.

An easier thing for me to believe is that every story has a person. There isn't a doubt in my mind that Liesel Mesiminger isn't out there somewhere reading her books without her Mamma, without her Papa, without her one and only love. She is out there somewhere reading her story to the only person who cares now, Death.
This sounds morbid I know, but it's not, trust me. If you'd like to know more about this story it's one of my favorite books and it's called The Book Theif and is by Markus Zusak. There is a link to the summary at the end of this blog, though I highly suggest you read it. I have a copy if it needs borrowing.
I read this book about every six months and it never gets old. The language and colors Zusak uses are so moving, they have to be real. Just like every time I go to a fair I expect to see a disgruntled Holden Caufield sitting on a bench watching his sister go round and round on the carousel thinking about catching little kids before they fall off of a cliff.

These characters are so real to me that I can't imagine a world where they didn't exist. How do we know we aren't just manifested words on paper. Who's telling your story?
A common theme through this blog is being a proactive member of your own life and I still believe you should do that. Live a life worth telling a story about. Don't hold back and don't ever forget that yours isn't the only story being told. Remember to take a moment and read others stories too because they might, in some weird way, be tangled up in yours.

I believe that everyones story is woven together, some more than others, but never the less they are the same. Just like we are part of our parents stories and our grandparents stories, we just come into them a few chapters in. There are stories out there we don't know about, but we might come to be a big part in.
Maybe this is a stretch but this reminds me so much of the song "The Whole Wide World." The video link is at the end of this blog as well and please ignore the cheesy images. This song talks about going the whole wide world just to find someone who you are supposed to be with. You sit around and feel sorry for yourself when really they are waiting for you, it's just that no one's told them about you yet.

I guess what I'm saying is do something worth while. Don't be a dime store novel. Go out there and be a best seller. Hell, be featured on Oprah's book club if you'd like. Just make your story worth while, or no one will want to read it. Do what makes you happy because if you do that the best you can, then it counts. Doing what makes you happy counts for more than you could imagine. So if during this chapter you take a lot of naps, but you're the happiest person in the world, then that will be a good story.
Be memorable readers. And please don't forget that someone out there would go the whole wide world for you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Book_Thief
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lErHYnIMmTA

Blurb

Tonight I write to you from my usual place, Shoulder deep in my bright pink covers. Although this post is about 7 hours earlier than my normal posts I still feel the same way I usually do. I don't want to leave the comfort of my bed but I fear this time it is for the wrong reason. I'm supposed to go to dinner at one of Shawn's friends houses and I have to admit I am very nervous. I don't get nervous but this has surely done it.
This may not be a big deal for any normal person but it is for me. I have never had to meet new people in this way. Everyone i've dated perviously has had the same friends as me since the fifth grade so this is a little nerve racking for me. Though I am nervous as can be I'm going to get out of bed, put on real pants, and fix my hair. I'm doing this because I need to. Because life is too short to keep yourself in a box and because I haven't done anything today that's scared me. I can assure you, this does that.
Today is the marking of me taking my own advice and not being scared anymore. Nothing can hurt me, unless I let it. Meeting new people shouldn't make me this nervous, or nervous at all. I have confidence in myself and in my surroundings. Plus I have great friends that would fake call and claim emergency..just in case.
So I leave you now with that little blurb of fright.
Do something tonight that scares you.

Baz Luhrmann

All i've done today so far is go to poetry. I can't say this was a bad thing, and I can't say I would have done anything more exciting had I chosen to not go. I can just say I went. I've been thinking about a lot of different stuff lately and trying to sort everything out. Nothing bad has been going on, it's just been going. I have school work to do and tests to study for but I also have friends. The few that I have have been rough lately. I know they mean best, but even the best fall down sometimes, right? Sometimes I just need some time, and even the biggest jokers can't take a joke from time to time. I've been stressing about it lately and this video keeps coming to my mind so i've been watching it frequently, I suggest you do the same.
That's all for now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

These are the people

For this post it would be easy to cop out and write about Halloween and wearing masks. It's so simple to relate that to my own life, but I choose not to. I had a good Halloween. I got to experience it with my friends and learn new things about them, and some new things about my "old friends" who care too little to actually read this. Along with this I learned a lot about myself.
This weekend I learned that no matter how much I kid myself I still miss home. I miss seeing Aubree in her halloween costume and I miss eating sandwiches from the Exchange. Though I haven't eaten a sandwich from the Exchange in probably....5 years at the least, I still miss it and associate it with home. One of the biggest memories in my head lately has been of mom and I going to get sandwiches for Steve when he was haying. I can't remember who else was there, Grandma and Grandpa, no doubt. The details are iffy to me. The half moon cheese is what I remember most. I don't know why, but that cheese was better than any other. I could eat it every day.
While I was thinking of this I started thinking a lot about my mom. I've missed her the last few times she has called today, and that always makes me sad. I hate not getting to talk to her a few times a day. I know, I'm still attached entirely too much, but I miss her. I've been trying to write a poem about how strong my family is for my poetry class, but I haven't gotten it quite right yet. It's hard to convey on paper, no matter how hard I try.
When I was little I used to want to be just like my mom. I fell out of that phase for a while but in the last few years I've decided it wouldn't be bad at all. She is one of the smartest people I know and is funny too. I don't know anyone else who was singing "Rich Girl" to their 8 year old and dancing in their kitchen before school every morning.
Truth be told, I would be lucky to get even half of the strength my mom has. I know a few posts ago I talked about how strong Steve was being with his illness. I think the two of them are strong for each other and because of each other. This kind of relationship is a foundation in my life. The belief that the love of one person can make you a better person is fundamental to me, and I've come to believe that it is because that is what I grew up around.  These two people love each other so much. I know that as their kid I can't even begin to understand their relationship, but I think I am lucky to have it.
I know this is a lot of non halloween mumbo jumbo, but it's my family and I think each of them deserves their own little piece of recognition.
I know life can be hard, and sometimes you want to give up. Just remember that somewhere out there, probably closer than you think, is someone who loves you. They love you more than you know, and probably more than you can know and just knowing that love is out there should make you better. Life is going to go on weather you want it to or not and weather you are in a good mood or not. So you might as well put a smile on and enjoy it. Be active in your life and start making a difference. Be strong like your mother and a lover like your parents.
There is a Jimmy Buffett song "the people your parents warned you about" and I think I've found them. The good friends, and the loving family your parents warned you about. The ones that never leave you. I think those are the people I was warned about.
I hope everyones halloween went well and that your week goes well too.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but I'll cut it off here.
Just know reader, that though I may not know you, ever meet you, or be able to hug you, I love you.
Goodnight.

Rockabye

Since no one has blogged lately I guess it's my turn. I have been having a pretty good week. It's been jam packed with halloween preparations and a ton of geology studying. I think I went 3 days this week with no nap. Needless to say it is a Christmas miracle.
Everything is going well, or well enough so I can't complain. Life keeps going on and I keep trying to keep up. School is fine, though it is becoming a bit stressful and my family is doing well for the most part. I can't wait to see all of them for Thanksgiving.
The tigers are still undefeated, which you know, unless you've been living under a rock for the past week. We go to face Nebraska this weekend and will do very well. I'm always so proud of my boys.
Speaking of being proud of my boys, I have the best bros in the world. Without a doubt the people that have come into my life lately are fantastic and I think I would be a hobo now if it wasn't for their encouragement and trust.
I've been doing something everyday that scares me. Today it was letting Shawn cook me dinner, which was very good by the way. We also carved pumpkins, something I didn't think I would get to do this year, but he thought ahead and made it an excellent study break from my horrid Geology studying.
That's about all I have for today.
No deep philosophical post about love, longing, or how to tie your shoes. Just me saying life is good and everything is gonna be alright.
Rockabye.

Great Day To Be

Today, I have to opportunity to be a tiger. One of the most important things to be today, and any day for that matter. Columbia is booming with noise and hype for the big game. ESPN has been here for a few days and everyone is getting excited about the big homecoming game. I couldn't be more excited to work 9 hours today and miss the big game...not. You all know my philosophy, do what makes you happy, but unfortunately having a job makes me happy. I'll take one for the team.
Last night I got to go out with my friends, which is an excellent change. I got to celebrate living and do a few new things that we had never done which is always insanely exciting. A few posts ago I mentioned players on my team and tentative members. I've decided lately that i'd very much like for them to stick around. The magnets aren't really an issue anymore and that is pleasant. I feel like i've got a pretty decent head on my shoulders and I'm going to try and keep it that way.
Life has been going excellently, and as I approach this week full of exams I'm going to try and remember that everyday. That life is getting better and that it probably was never bad in the first place. My nanna told me today that I need to remember to be a nice girl and stay classy. This is simply the only reason I am only glaring at this old couple of OU fans across from me in Starbucks. I will stay classy, even though you're probably going to cry all the way home.
I feel like I don't mention enough how happy and lucky I am. My best friend and I can be heard saying at least once a day "what a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, luck girl" ( one of spongebob's best) and I think it is insanely true. I am lucky, blessed, and above all I am happy. I woke up this morning smiling and haven't really stopped since, well except to throw in a few yawns now and again. I haven't been sleeping so much, but again, I've spent my waking hours doing what makes me happy and I can't be mad at myself for that. I'm going to keep doing what makes me happy because life will work itself out. I am being proactive and above all, today, I am being a tiger.
So turn on ESPN and watch our boys bring it home.
MIZ!!!!!!!

Napping is such a selfish lover. He demands every free second and makes you feel so good while you're with him but when you leave, you feel worse. This is my thought for today or course, right before I'm about to nap. I made it a whole two hours today without climbing back into bed. Climbing back into this safe haven that I love so much. An island where everything is perfect and there is no pain. This is my nook. My stress relief and my love. So I will continue to nap everyday no matter how bad for my health it is because it makes me happy.
Steve has (hopefully) his last round of chemo today. After the next three weeks of getting over this round, hopefully he will start down the path to recovery from this last year of pain he, and my family, have been through. Having someone close to you in so much pain is a hard thing to bare. It's something I think about a lot. What do you do if you're faced with a 35% chance of living to see your next birthday? I think a lot of people would give up, but not me. I say fight as hard as you can and do as much as you can to enjoy your life. You're going to die someday anyway, this is true. But why does it have to be now? My answer to you is that it doesn't. Sure that's a bad statistic, but it's better than no chance at all and I'm proud to say I know someone who is beating it.
I've always known my family is strong. But until Steve got sick, I didn't understand how strong. When my mom called and told me the diagnosis I remember in the same sentence her telling me that it was fine and that we didn't need to worry because he was strong. That is the most understated thing I could have ever heard. Steve is by far one of the strongest people I know, cancer or not. He never does anything "half ass" and does everything right the first time. Though we butt heads a lot, I still learn from him every day.
When I was little he used to do this trick where he could rub a penny under his skin, and bring it out again. He says he doesn't remember doing it, but I sure do. I remember rubbing pennies into my arm until it was red as a tomato trying to be that magical, but it never worked. Some people just have a little bit of magic in them and some people don't.
I know this is a weird post for me, but I felt like he deserved some recognition today. Because today is a celebratory day. Not only is Steve (hopefully) done with chemo, but it's also casual corduroy thursday.
This ended up having nothing to do with napping and I'm sorry for lack of my usual circular posts, but that's all I have for now.
Remember

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Rule #20

Tonight I write from the most special place in the world, Mt. Vernon, Missouri. I know, you've all heard the stories. The famous celebs and all of their luxurious living habits. I can assure you, it's all true. It feels so great to be home. I got to spend the night at my cousins football game. It wasn't a win, but it was soothing to be in that small town atmosphere I get to missing sometimes. I spent most of the evening with my family and finally got to see all of them, my Akita included. He's getting so big and I absolutely can't wait to have a pet at school with me next year.
This trip home is really just the icing on my happy cake as of late. Things seem to be going fantastic and I wouldn't change it for the world. So many new things are happening, I'm almost finding it hard to keep up. I feel like along with the new school year came a new version of Koleen, like 2.0 or something.
I hope that you all have felt the same way, and if not, I hope you do in the future. As I said the other day, I couldn't have done it without my new friends. I have so many people in my life that I feel like I'm closer with than those I've known the longest and it is fantastic. I miss people when I'm away, not that I didn't before, but I kind of feel like I'm growing up.
I made myself a bedtime, that sadly is hardly kept, but I'm okay with this. I am out spending my life being happy and that is all that matters. So I maybe a little cranky (i know i wouldn't believe me either) but I don't regret it because all of those late nights, I am up doing whatever makes me happy at the time and I don't think anyone could judge me wrong for that. I think this lack of sleep will surely catch up to me, and you'll find me complaining about it a few blog post later, but as of now, I'm just happy.
In Pride and Prejudice Elizibeth says to Mr. Darcy that he should only refer to her as Mrs. Darcy when he is completely, utterly, and insanely happy. That is what I feel overall with my life.
So I'm proposing a new rule.
Rule #20 - Always be happy.

Goodnight readers, sleep sweet.

Justin Close Your Mouth

So as you've noticed I haven't blogged in a few days. I noticed you all were going through withdrawals about it and i've decided to cure you of your "absence of Koleen" discomfort. 

Do something everyday that scares you. That's what i've repetitively been aiming for, and I think I've been doing alright. I've decided to laugh at myself and do everything that makes me insanely happy every second of every day. Life is too short for me to sit here in Brady and type on my computer ALL day. I mean some of the day is fine, but let's face it, I'm gonna need to nap. The whole three of you that subscribe to my blog all know what's going on in my life so I'm not going to go into detail.

Everyone seems pretty happy and that makes me very excited. Life seems to be going in a good direction for most of the people stuck in the tangled web that is my life, or maybe I just think it is, either way. I've made a new great friend and is slowly wiggling his way into my top five by just being so dang encouraging. (You know who you are). Sometimes I just need someone to look at me and say Koleen stop being stupid and do what you want. And this tall smart friend of mine has been doing this lately and I don't think I could have made some of these decisions in my life without him.

The reason for my title is this: I sit here almost everyday in Brady and watch Justin Stafford chew with his mouth open and laugh really loudly. Now the laughing doesn't bother me. I've been told by some people I have a loud laugh, I know, hard to believe right? But Justin, if life comes around to it and you somehow end up reading this blog, please close your mouth. I know that wrap is good, but I don't need to see it. You're mizzou famous. People know who you are. Learn some manners.

Obnoxious basketball players aside, I guess this post is to my friends. The ones that make fun of me, encourage me, and make me laugh. I couldn't do it without you guys. You help me every day to be scared, smile, and enjoy the little things. 

Upsetting Pop Culture References

This is the third time I've attempted to write this blog today, thus furthering my frustration with technology. That isn't' the point. Today i've been thinking a lot about decisions. The decisions i've had to make lately aren't big, but i've been having a lot of anxiety about them anyway.  I found this on stumble today,
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2FwbJl/lift-me-today.com/assets/images/death_valley_dunes-500.jpg
and it really has stuck with me. I think that there are these two routes in life. You can sit and watch your life go by and accept the conditions of that, but being a bystander never was my style. I believe that you have to be proactive in your own life. You have to go out and make things happen or you'll never do anything fun. Along with this fun you will probably get hurt a lot, but that's part of being in the game.
My Nanna said to me the other day "Koleen, this is your life, this is it right now. The stuff you are doing doesn't lead up to your life, this is it. Deal with it." Now this may seem kind of blunt, but she never was a hinting woman.
Every decision you make will effect you, there is no arguing that. I feel like knowing this, you can say that when making decisions, most people want it to effect( i don't know when to choose effect or affect) them in a positive way. I'm going to go ahead and say most of the time this doesn't happen. This is a giant mess of me explaining things that you already knew, but the point is this: your decisions don't just effect you.
I make decisions everyday that effect people I love and people I don't even know, but they are still a part of my decision. To me, this isn't fair.  The decisions I make about my life, that is happening here and now, may hurt people I love and I dislike this very much.
This kind of ties back to my "if you love someone don't let them go" idea. If someone loves you, you shouldn't let them go either.  Even though it kills them, you should keep them as close as possible and never let them leave, because they are important.
The relationships in my life are anything but perfect, but I love them. There are a certain configuration of people in my life that work together as a team that I couldn't live without. Granted, I've added a few new members to this team lately, but it takes a while to earn a permanent spot. I absolutely love the new people that have come into my life. They are fun, exciting, and bring a whole new side to my personality. That isn't the issue. The issue is their interaction with my old group. How do you go about mixing them without causing an explosion? These two different elements could mix in two ways, one deadly, and the other fantastic.
In my second cheesy reference I choose to talk bout Bella Swan. Gag me now, I know, but the girl (for once) has a good point. It's hard to put two magnets together when they refuse to go by themselves. I hate myself for thinking that this horrible piece of pop literature is anything but wrong on any subject but it is true. Sometimes you just have to make the two elements, or magnets, suck it up and get along for your sake. Because everyone knows the world revolves around me, right? HA! So if they don't get along, and they resort to explosion, which pieces do you pick up? I'm tired of speaking in code, so I'm gong to get this over with.
So that is my decision, in a painfully drawn out conclusion to todays blog. I will continue to push both of my magnets together and hope that they will work it out. I will not be a bystander in my life. I will be a willful participant. I'm going to try my best to make one giant magnet out of my life and if that doesn't work, I'm willing to risk the explosion.

Falling for Max

So today's blog is basically going to be me fawning over my one and only true love, Max Bemis, so prepare yourself. When I got home tonight (this morning) I began looking up some suggested songs on youtube and I ended up, like I usually do, just looking up videos of Max Bemis singing his songs. Not only do I love his music, but I love to watch him love his music. When he preforms, there is nothing else in the world. There is only Max, his music, and the unknown love he is singing about.
The video that always gets me is him singing I Want To Know Your Plans. You can find this by youtubing Say Anything-I Want To Know Your Plans. I strongly suggest doing this.
One of my favorite songs has a lyric that goes "can I lie with you in your grave? there's a crack at the edge of the end of the world where I will sit with my love in this fluorescent swirl eat us up break it down to the tiniest cell in a room with a view and a window to hell." Graphic I know, but it's one of those things that when you hear it, it's beautiful. The fact that one human being can love someone enough to want to lie with them even after they are gone is a fundamental thought in my life. Anytime I find myself listening to Say Anything I can't help but be pulled into the optimistic mindset that I love so much. There are so many things in this world that pull me away from what I know so well, All you need is love.

I guess the moral of the story today is take a look at Say Anything. It may take you while to warm up to them, but they are fantastic and no matter what mood I am in they can bring me out of it and remind me that I am not alone. They have a song for every situation, and plus, Max isn't too hard on the eyes either. Don't forget that life isn't all great and dandy. Sometimes you can give someone your whole heart and all they'll have in return is a pen. That is what you have to believe isn't going to happen. Just breathe and hope for the best. Take a deep breath and stop worrying about things. Let them work themselves out, and just let it be. Life will happen weather you like it or not, so you might as well just hold on and enjoy the ride. Have a happy weekend readers and please don't forget, you can say anything to me.

Fish

Before I start with my "life is grand" mumbo jumbo, I must admit to you that today, I almost admitted that my life was hard, but be assured, I did not give in. I had a very long day and started stressing about things I have no control over and getting upset at people who also had no control. I decided to sit down and do what I knew needed to be done. Unfortunately today, like almost every day, that task was geology. Now, five hours later, I am finally done and relaxed. I'm sitting in a study with my feet propped up on a table just typing. Typing about nothing, and I'm one of the happiest girls in the world. 

Today I felt so bad for myself and then I realized that everything in life happens for a reason and if what I want to happen doesn't work out, then maybe there are other plans for me. I have strong faith that God will get me to where I need to go to do what I need to do and be happy. This may not be your view, and I'm completely okay with that, but it certainly is mine.

I believe that there are few things in this life that are worth getting that worked up about. I let myself get ahead of...well, myself and I made it a goal today to stop letting myself do that. I just have to sit down and life today for today, and I suggest you do the same. 

I've mentioned several times that I try to do something every day that scares me. I also think I'm going to add do something I insanely enjoy every day. It doesn't have to be huge, maybe just jumping up and down when I'm in the elevator by myself. Just something.

I feel like I'm repetitive, and I apologize if you are stuck reading my same sappy thoughts everyday but I think it really is the little things in life. Love the little things, and the little things will soon become so important that you can't part from them. You'll search for them in everything you do and when you find them, you will be the happiest person in the world. 

As I sat in my study tonight doing my God forsaken geology notes there were screams being screamed and high heels clopping on the sidewalk down below. I heard all of these sounds and realized that sometimes you have to make unfun choices on Thursday nights so that you can hang out with your friends for a few hours on Saturday. I mean really, how fun can DejaVu be? So don't get me wrong, I do believe that there is sacrifice for being happy, I just choose to sacrifice less-fun things. The unimportant fun things.

Maybe those posters with all of the swimming fish in one direction and a different color fish swimming against them alone wasn't so wrong. 

On any given day when you find yourself feeling like a different color fish, just remember the fish that gave away one scale to each of his friends until he wasn't so different. He single handedly changed the norm. I apologize again for all of the elementary references but that's how I'm thinking today. Maybe in order to be a different colored fish, you just have to share you difference with your friends. The poster company just had it a little wrong, the different color fish wasn't alone. 

So my challenge to you is not only to be a different color fish, but to share your difference with someone, and try to make all of the difference. As I've told you before, my mom always used to tell me that I could do anything I wanted, that I could change the world. I think you can too. So go out and do it, and don't forget, enjoy the little things.

I'm to old for this shit

After watching How I Met Your Mother today, I've decided that I am in fact, not too old for this shit. The episode I watched was about Ted having a list of things he was too old to do and Barney attempting to accomplish all of these things in one day to prove Ted wrong. The moral of the story is, if you think you are too old to do something, go out and do it. Prove to yourself you've still got it, or at least that you are willing to try.
A great friend told me today that he tries his best to not let a week of his life go by that he hasn't filled with happiness and I think this is fantastic advice. A few posts ago I decided I was going to do something every day that scared me and so far that is going well. I've decided to also add that I will do everything in my power to be insanely, uncontrollably, incredibly happy. Life is entirely too short for me, or anyone, to spend any given moment unhappy.
So again I say to you, go out and enjoy life. Grab that bull by the horns and jump out and catch that beautiful butterfly. All of those cheesy metaphors you can think of. Go for it. You are strong weither you think you are or not. You are beautiful, don't let anyone tell you differently, and for God sakes I hope that you are you because most of the time that's all you can count on. You shouldn't take it for granted.
This morning I'd like to leave with one of my favorite quotes,

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you're nowhere near ready, but the other half says: make her yours forever." -Remember Me (Gahandi)

Rule #32

Laying in bed listening to Sweet Disposition, I've been thinking about my year thus far. I've learned a lot, and also decided a lot about myself. Lately I've become fed up with how technology rules my life and I think I'm going to change that. I've also decided that money isn't everything. (maybe that's because i'm recently poor)
I've also decided that Zombieland didn't have it all wrong. You really should enjoy the little things. My parents were in town this weekend and what I noticed wasn't their newly graying hair, or weight loss, I noticed the little things. I noticed how my mom always smiles when she is remembering something funny that our conversation has brought up and how my dad always smells the same. I started to realize that these are the people that I want to be, and also the people that my parents warned me about. My mom used to tell me not to be afraid to change the world. I've always wanted to.
I've decided that I will no longer be abiding by the rules that govern modern day courting. If I want to text you, I'm going to. If I want to hang out, I'm going to tell you that. This whole "make him text you first" and "that's not allowed" stuff isn't cutting it. Technological rules will no longer tell me what to do.
I will do what I want to do, and one day, it will all work out. Everyday I will do something that scares me. Sooner or later, taking this leap off of a cliff every day will pay off. I won't fall like Wiley Coyote, I'll take off and fly. On that day my friends, I will not be silent about my excitement, I will be loud, and you will know that finally, I have won.
Life isn't hard readers. It can be, but when you break it down, most of the stuff you worry about( or at least what I worry about) isn't going to matter next week, or probably even tomorrow. So shut up and get over it. You're fine. You're chest will keep ebbing and flowing like it always has and your heart will keep jumping all around in your chest. It won't ever stop for you.
So my conclusion for this weekend, is rule #32, enjoy the little things.

It Won't Be Long

Today in my poetry class we talked about q-tips. A simple thing that we all use every day. If you think about it, life is a lot like using a q-tip. You keep pushing that edge between pleasure and pain until you feel either clean, or like you're world has been blown apart.

Sometimes I think life is hard, and other times I feel like life is easy. What do I have to worry about? I'm in college and have nothing to do with my life but learn about the world. This is what I tell myself when life seems to become overwhelming. There is a part in one of my favorite movies, Garden State, where the main character does a dance and makes a noise when she is feeling unoriginal. I suggest you try the same. Never be boring, readers. Never let life go to waste. Keep pushing that q-tip further because you only get one chance to do that today. If you don't reach the line, you'll have to go back and wait until tomorrow to try again. Keep trying, but remember that sometimes this has explosive consequences. Just be prepared.

Sweet You Rock

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you just have to keep pushing through it and be who you need to be weather you feel like you are alone, or not. Life is full of bad decisions and wrong doings that you will insanely regret later. You will hurt people, and be hurt yourself but at the end of the day, it's still worth it. Everything you do, you do for a reason. Something will come out of it, good or bad, and you will be a better person for it. Life is hard so it will make you stronger. The situations you so half-heartedly find yourself in will teach you a lesson and you will flourish from it. Don't regret the things you do because at the time you decided to do them, they probably made you the happiest person in the world.

Now it's time for the oldest question in the book. Is all fair in love and war? Where do you draw the line? How far would you go to get what you wanted, what truly made you happy? Would you hurt someone else so that in return for a broken heart, yours would be healed? I have to say, sadly I think I would. I do believe that all is fair in love and war and I don't believe that if you love something you should let it go. I believe that you should hold on with all of your might and do everything in your power to make it happen. Not in a creepy stalker way of course, but in more of a....pop culture Jacob kind of way. Until your preverbal heart stops beating. Just keep going and keep trying.

One of my favorite quotes is "anyone in the world can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do, but to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength." I think that is perfect for how I live my life. I apologize that this blog has no other point than for me to get stuff off of my chest, but if you're reading it, I hope it is sincerely helping you, because Lord knows it's helping me.

Sometimes I feel like Samson. I'm tired of being the hero, and I just wish someone would cut my hair already. I get really tired of trying to be what everyone needs me to be all the time when really all I need me to be is happy. Then again, sometimes being happy is the hardest thing in the world to do. It can be like trying to learn how to fly. We watch birds to it all the time and we know what flying is, just like we know what happiness is, we just don't know how to do it. Samson just wanted someone to love him, at least I think so. I think he probably got tired of being a hero too. I also think that Delilah probably loved him long before the war. She probably knew every thought in his head. The war was just convenient.

Of all of these things in my life, I am grateful. I am so blessed to have situations to have to deal with, and also the ability to talk about them. I am lucky to have you, even if you are only waves on the internet. Sometimes, all you need is to get it out in the open to someone, even if that person has no idea what's going on. Then again, sometimes all you need is love.

Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady

I think that sometimes when you leave home, you aren't really leaving. You aren't leaving your home, because you know somewhere in your heart that it will always be there for you. You're parents may move, they may change, and they will grow old, but that feeling of home will always be there. That house may not be your home. You may find, like I have, that your home isn't where you grew up or where you keep your things, but more a sense of where you belong.