First off, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope your days were filled with turkey and your afternoons filled with naps. I know it snowed and iced for a little bit here, nothing too drastic, but it reminded me I was back in southwest Missouri. The first snow is always a fun thing for me. It seems like it's been so long since you've seen snow that it's like its own little miracle. The flakes seem so huge and yet so small, you don't know how they can cover the whole ground in a night.
I had a great Thanksgiving with my family. I ran around like a crazy person from house to house trying to see everyone. Of course I wait to see everyone until the last day I'm in town. Foolish mistakes I constantly find myself making.
I've had an excellent week at home. As I sit here, knowing I won't be back for several weeks I'm torn. Though I love it here, I do miss Columbia and my cramped dorm. It may be small but it's mine. I also find myself already missing Mt. Vernon. I love it here, now that I've gone away. The relaxed atmosphere is very soothing when I'm used to getting four hours of sleep a night. I feel like I'm a thousand miles away when I'm at school when really it's only a few hours. I'm already missing my family and my dog. I know I'll see them soon, but I'm still a big baby when it comes to leaving. I cry every time.
My family is so fortunate to have such a large network of people that care about us as much as they do. Thank you to everyone. You know who you are. The whole three of you who read my blog. Thank you, I really do appreciate it. Plus it keeps me from sounding rude by saying "if you read my blog you'd know that." ha
Tonight is my usual Garden State night, but I think I've covered enough of that. I think I'll take a bath and relax. Enjoy my last sleep in a normal sized bed with actual good sheets and not dorm stuff.
When I leave I always try to prepare myself the night before. Just let myself remember that I need to be strong for the people here that need me. The last few times I've done a good job about not crying until I'm out of the driveway.
I guess what I'm saying is hug your mamma. Tell your dad you love him. It's Thanksgiving. Be happy.
25 November 2010
23 November 2010
Circumstantial Part 2
SPOILER ALERT!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTnzPuFPxPw&feature=related
This is the video clip to the end of Garden State. Incase you are interested.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTnzPuFPxPw&feature=related
This is the video clip to the end of Garden State. Incase you are interested.
Circumstancial
Since I've been home I've gotten to spend a lot of time with my family. This is something I realize that I greatly for advantage before I left to go to college. When I'm away I remember the little things about my family and that is what I miss. I don't miss the movie theatre where I spent a ton of my time in high school or the park. I miss my family. I miss Aubree running around with Samauri. I miss Steve napping in the chair and Mom cooking dinner when I came home from school. As has become my tradition, I watched Garden State tonight. I try and watch it at least once when I'm home. It reminds me that sometimes it takes a new person, and a trip home to make you realize that this is your life. I know I've talked about this before. My Nanny tells me all the time that this is my life. Right here and right now. I'm living it. Something new and fantastic isn't going to happen that marks the start of my life. This is it. Me sitting on this faded old blue leather couch in wrapped up in the fabrics of people that I love. Being home has made me appreciate it, as it always does.
When you're away from a place with it's own oven, and you suddenly find yourself with an unlimited supply of oven, your first instinct is to make cupcakes, which I did. When you realize that this is your hallway and you don't share it with 29 other girls you automatically walk to your room from the shower naked, which I do. I feel like the little things in life go unnoticed. I'm not going to get into this because I've blogged extensively about it already.
Another thing I realized today that really matters are circumstances. As I write this I'm tearing up because I'm a mixture of happy and sad. Today Steve, Amelia and I went to Oklahoma and went to the casino. We love to do this. Ever since I turned eighteen it seems like we have been frequenting the casino (some of us more than others). Since I'm away roughly eleven months out of the year I don't get to make this trip as often as I like. Today I made it. For one day I forgot everything that bothers me about my family. I forgot all of the little irritating things that they do and drive me mad and I even forgot that Steve was sick.
Being in this atmosphere, all of the noises and lights, made me forget who I was and what my circumstances were. I didn't think about Mizzou until one of the employees mentioned it. I didn't think about college or the fact that I was home for Thanksgiving. I was just home and out to the casino for the afternoon with my family. I loved that feeling. Now the feeling of realizing the circumstances again was swift and jolting but I also realized that this is something I can't change and that I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
I took a hot tub with my mom tonight and we talked about the ins and outs of life, like we normally do in your tub. As I've said many times, life isn't hard. There are only situations that arise, circumstances if you will, that make it seem hard. I've decided that I'm going to ignore these circumstances and situations and just continue living my life. I have talked to my mom several times about how people act differently around people who are sick, and their families. Don't. Just because someone's body is a little off kilter doesn't mean that they can't gamble like they used to. I think sometimes I need reminding of that. I don't believe I treat Steve any differently because of his illness and I don't intend to start now.
Today was just a jogger. A memory flash of how important these little things in life are to me and how I took them for granted before I was away from my family for extended periods of time. I'm not going to do that any more. I've found that this break I haven't really wanted to hang out with my friends as much. I've wanted to spend time with my family. Though I have been gone a few times, I am trying my best to stay around home because I want to. Because these people are important and I love them.
Now this may all seem like rambling but it makes me feel better to write it. I love my family very much and I miss them unconditionally. I say that this is my home but my life is in Columbia and I still believe that. Back to Garden State. There is a quote in this movie spoken by the main character Andrew Largeman. I think it's pretty self explanatory. It helped me a lot when I was leaving for college and sometimes even does now.
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place
I think that family is just a group of people that misses the same imaginary place. I know as a piece of my family I miss when we are all together. Though it may not be the most perfect gathering, it's home.
Koleen Kay
Mt. Vernon, Missouri
The Basement
When you're away from a place with it's own oven, and you suddenly find yourself with an unlimited supply of oven, your first instinct is to make cupcakes, which I did. When you realize that this is your hallway and you don't share it with 29 other girls you automatically walk to your room from the shower naked, which I do. I feel like the little things in life go unnoticed. I'm not going to get into this because I've blogged extensively about it already.
Another thing I realized today that really matters are circumstances. As I write this I'm tearing up because I'm a mixture of happy and sad. Today Steve, Amelia and I went to Oklahoma and went to the casino. We love to do this. Ever since I turned eighteen it seems like we have been frequenting the casino (some of us more than others). Since I'm away roughly eleven months out of the year I don't get to make this trip as often as I like. Today I made it. For one day I forgot everything that bothers me about my family. I forgot all of the little irritating things that they do and drive me mad and I even forgot that Steve was sick.
Being in this atmosphere, all of the noises and lights, made me forget who I was and what my circumstances were. I didn't think about Mizzou until one of the employees mentioned it. I didn't think about college or the fact that I was home for Thanksgiving. I was just home and out to the casino for the afternoon with my family. I loved that feeling. Now the feeling of realizing the circumstances again was swift and jolting but I also realized that this is something I can't change and that I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
I took a hot tub with my mom tonight and we talked about the ins and outs of life, like we normally do in your tub. As I've said many times, life isn't hard. There are only situations that arise, circumstances if you will, that make it seem hard. I've decided that I'm going to ignore these circumstances and situations and just continue living my life. I have talked to my mom several times about how people act differently around people who are sick, and their families. Don't. Just because someone's body is a little off kilter doesn't mean that they can't gamble like they used to. I think sometimes I need reminding of that. I don't believe I treat Steve any differently because of his illness and I don't intend to start now.
Today was just a jogger. A memory flash of how important these little things in life are to me and how I took them for granted before I was away from my family for extended periods of time. I'm not going to do that any more. I've found that this break I haven't really wanted to hang out with my friends as much. I've wanted to spend time with my family. Though I have been gone a few times, I am trying my best to stay around home because I want to. Because these people are important and I love them.
Now this may all seem like rambling but it makes me feel better to write it. I love my family very much and I miss them unconditionally. I say that this is my home but my life is in Columbia and I still believe that. Back to Garden State. There is a quote in this movie spoken by the main character Andrew Largeman. I think it's pretty self explanatory. It helped me a lot when I was leaving for college and sometimes even does now.
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place
I think that family is just a group of people that misses the same imaginary place. I know as a piece of my family I miss when we are all together. Though it may not be the most perfect gathering, it's home.
Koleen Kay
Mt. Vernon, Missouri
The Basement
22 November 2010
I'm Alive
I'm sitting in my parents bed with Steve watching Whitetail Bucks, or some sort of hunting show. The little boy on the show is shooting the biggest buck I've ever seen and it is pretty exciting. Since I've been home it's been in the 70's and excellent weather. I have been basically just hanging out with my family and a few friends. It has been nice here and I am excited about it. I am also excited about thanksgiving. I miss everyone from CoMo but I will see them soon enough. I'm loving family time and Samauri time. I wish I could bring him back with me.
That's about all I have. The people who read this talk to me as far as I know but here is a note just saying, hey, I'm alive.
That's about all I have. The people who read this talk to me as far as I know but here is a note just saying, hey, I'm alive.
16 November 2010
Girl Talk
As you might have noticed I've done some renovations on the site. I've done this to make this blog more personal and I'd like to explain the additions to you. First of all the quote is from Blow. A movie made in 2001 that is about George Young, a very notorious cocaine dealer from the seventies. This movies sounds silly but I consider it one of the better films I have seen. I've been watching it a lot lately and I think that is because the characters are so raw. They live such glamourous lives that it's worth going to jail for sixty years. If you haven't seen it, I highly suggest it. Plus it has Johnny Depp in it, if that helps.
I think the quote really gets to me because it just explains the attitude of life. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's not. You just have to deal with it and know that at the end of the day it will even itself out.
The first picture has to do with a Kurt Vonnegut book Slaughterhouse Five. It has to be one of my favorite novels as well as the books I have mentioned previously. In my mind this place, where everything is beautiful and nothing hurt, is everywhere and can be found in anyone. This place is constantly in my mind and I try to find it when I feel like i've lost my place in the world. Sometimes people loose their marbles, you just need a friend to help them pick them all up again.
The second picture is a picture of myself and my niece Aubree. It was taken the day she was baptized and that day was really important to me. I am one of her godparents and that is really important in my eyes. She is one of the most important people in my life and I thought she deserved some credit. She is such a smart little girl. Sometimes I forget that she is so little.
Now to the raunchy stuff. Today has gone well. I won't deny that. Today I got to sleep in (kind of) and take a day off from running after I was told by several people that I was going to hurt myself if I didn't take it easy. So that was nice. A lot has been going on my life and it's been kind of hard to organize it all. Steve had his tests yesterday to see if he continues chemo or not and we find out the results on Thursday. Hopefully all is well and all of the cancer is gone. That would be a day when everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
My friends are great, yes, all three of you. My family is great. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't obnoxiously call my Nanny about three times a day and tell her about the inner workings of my mind. I can't explain my mood, which is usually the case. I guess I"m just here today. I try my hardest to make every day count, and today has as far as face time, class time, and study time, but not in the "i'm doing something important" category. I'm just being.
I tell one of my best friends that it's easy to decide to be in a good mood then just be in a good mood so I am trying my damnedest to do that. I got a ton of new music today including the new Girl Talk cd which I like very much. I don't really have a deep and lesson filled way to end this blog today and I apologize for that. Sometimes you're bust. What can I say?
I get to go home in three days and I get to see Harry Potter in two so I should be insanely happy, and I am. I just have a lot on my mind lately, so don't blame me if my smile slips from time to thime. I have no doubt that being at home will make me feel better or that I need it, sometimes it's just hard for me to leave columbia when I'm not quite ready. My life is here but my family is not. That is the never ending problem isn't it? Having to choose.
I think the quote really gets to me because it just explains the attitude of life. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's not. You just have to deal with it and know that at the end of the day it will even itself out.
The first picture has to do with a Kurt Vonnegut book Slaughterhouse Five. It has to be one of my favorite novels as well as the books I have mentioned previously. In my mind this place, where everything is beautiful and nothing hurt, is everywhere and can be found in anyone. This place is constantly in my mind and I try to find it when I feel like i've lost my place in the world. Sometimes people loose their marbles, you just need a friend to help them pick them all up again.
The second picture is a picture of myself and my niece Aubree. It was taken the day she was baptized and that day was really important to me. I am one of her godparents and that is really important in my eyes. She is one of the most important people in my life and I thought she deserved some credit. She is such a smart little girl. Sometimes I forget that she is so little.
Now to the raunchy stuff. Today has gone well. I won't deny that. Today I got to sleep in (kind of) and take a day off from running after I was told by several people that I was going to hurt myself if I didn't take it easy. So that was nice. A lot has been going on my life and it's been kind of hard to organize it all. Steve had his tests yesterday to see if he continues chemo or not and we find out the results on Thursday. Hopefully all is well and all of the cancer is gone. That would be a day when everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
My friends are great, yes, all three of you. My family is great. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't obnoxiously call my Nanny about three times a day and tell her about the inner workings of my mind. I can't explain my mood, which is usually the case. I guess I"m just here today. I try my hardest to make every day count, and today has as far as face time, class time, and study time, but not in the "i'm doing something important" category. I'm just being.
I tell one of my best friends that it's easy to decide to be in a good mood then just be in a good mood so I am trying my damnedest to do that. I got a ton of new music today including the new Girl Talk cd which I like very much. I don't really have a deep and lesson filled way to end this blog today and I apologize for that. Sometimes you're bust. What can I say?
I get to go home in three days and I get to see Harry Potter in two so I should be insanely happy, and I am. I just have a lot on my mind lately, so don't blame me if my smile slips from time to thime. I have no doubt that being at home will make me feel better or that I need it, sometimes it's just hard for me to leave columbia when I'm not quite ready. My life is here but my family is not. That is the never ending problem isn't it? Having to choose.
15 November 2010
Dark and Early
Good morning. Obviously I'm one of three college students awake at 5:15am but I'm up. I've been getting up this early and practicing for my half marathon with Morgan and I have to say it sucks pretty bad. I meant to write last night but once the clock struck 2am I thought I better try and go to sleep. Here goes nothing.
Last night at work one of my favorite customers came in. Her name is Pat and I first met her and her husband Warren at Chili's when they came in to try the place. I guess I gave them good service because they kept coming back and asking for me, which I love. I've been working there for about 8months or so now and they've been there with me the whole way.
Pat came in last night to deliver some tough news. Warren passed away on Oct. 27th. This was completely unexpected and rough for everyone. Needless to say I would really appreciate it if you kept them all in your thoughts and prayers. It really touched my heart that Pat thought to come tell me. It wasn't that she came to eat and just so happened to let me know. She came in specifically to let me know. I've decided to be friends with her and I think it will be a great thing for both of us.
After work I watched Valentine's Day with some friends and it got me thinking about love. Now I believe in love more than almost anything. I think that it can do anything you want it to do and more. I don't care if people say it's a fairytale. I believe love really is all it's cracked up to be. I believe it's worth fighting for and I believe to the bottom of my heart that it is worth risking everything for. Now other than my family I can't say I love many people. A few choice friends make the list but other than that it's tough. I think I've been in love, and if it wasn't, it must have been a lot like it.
I can't tell you what love is. I can't explain it to you, I don't think anyone could. But I know it's important. It's like when you are doing something really special and for some reason you know that it is going to matter, you just don't know why yet.
I guess in conclusion (because I must get up and run now) is that you should never stop trying to make connections. You should never stop looking for love. You might find it in the oddest of places. Even your waitress on a warm Sunday night.
As always readers, keep trying, keep acting, keep loving.
I love you
Last night at work one of my favorite customers came in. Her name is Pat and I first met her and her husband Warren at Chili's when they came in to try the place. I guess I gave them good service because they kept coming back and asking for me, which I love. I've been working there for about 8months or so now and they've been there with me the whole way.
Pat came in last night to deliver some tough news. Warren passed away on Oct. 27th. This was completely unexpected and rough for everyone. Needless to say I would really appreciate it if you kept them all in your thoughts and prayers. It really touched my heart that Pat thought to come tell me. It wasn't that she came to eat and just so happened to let me know. She came in specifically to let me know. I've decided to be friends with her and I think it will be a great thing for both of us.
After work I watched Valentine's Day with some friends and it got me thinking about love. Now I believe in love more than almost anything. I think that it can do anything you want it to do and more. I don't care if people say it's a fairytale. I believe love really is all it's cracked up to be. I believe it's worth fighting for and I believe to the bottom of my heart that it is worth risking everything for. Now other than my family I can't say I love many people. A few choice friends make the list but other than that it's tough. I think I've been in love, and if it wasn't, it must have been a lot like it.
I can't tell you what love is. I can't explain it to you, I don't think anyone could. But I know it's important. It's like when you are doing something really special and for some reason you know that it is going to matter, you just don't know why yet.
I guess in conclusion (because I must get up and run now) is that you should never stop trying to make connections. You should never stop looking for love. You might find it in the oddest of places. Even your waitress on a warm Sunday night.
As always readers, keep trying, keep acting, keep loving.
I love you
12 November 2010
Hope
Let's talk about hope. It's been told for centuries that pandora opened up her box and all that was left was hope. I think hope and faith have a lot to do with each other. Now I don't normally talk about religion but here I am going to, bear with me for a paragraph. Hebrews says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." This is what makes me think that the two are related. This has nothing to do with the rest of this blog.
If you don't have hope, what do you have? An empty box. I believe to the core of me that if you want something you should go after it with all you have and never let it go. You should keep running and running until you physically cannot move. You should never give up. When I was little, as i've discussed before, I was taught that I shouldn't half ass things. I guess it stuck.
Never give up hope. It's the only thing in this world that is truely yours.
If you don't have hope, what do you have? An empty box. I believe to the core of me that if you want something you should go after it with all you have and never let it go. You should keep running and running until you physically cannot move. You should never give up. When I was little, as i've discussed before, I was taught that I shouldn't half ass things. I guess it stuck.
Never give up hope. It's the only thing in this world that is truely yours.
10 November 2010
Tomorrow
Tomorrow marks the fourth morning I will wake up before the sun and run. This is a very new thing for me but for only doing it this long, I've become a little dependent on it. It's a constant in my life and as of right now, I really need that. There are constants in my life like my friends, who you know I care greatly for and recently Shawn has become a staple. All of these people are there for me everyday and I'm so thankful for that.
Tomorrow also marks the last day before my unrelaxing weekend starts. I'm not excited about this but I am excited to get out of the world where I constantly think and into the world of work where I just memorize orders until I get to the micro station to order them.
There are people in my life I have been relying on that haven't really been there for me lately. I have a feeling that they know this, but they don't care enough to read my blog so they'll never know for sure. I'm a firm believer in the idea that people come into your life for a reason and they leave for a reason, but I also believe that it doesn't have to be pretty when they do leave.
Sometimes life is rough and sometimes you get pushed down but you can't give up. You can't rely on other people because at the end of the day it's just you. You are all you have. Other people will leave you, disgrace you, and throw you under the bus.
In all of this I challenge you today to be okay with you.
For one simple day just be okay with being you and be happy about it.
You are important.
You are beautiful.
You are significant.
Don't be afraid.
Tomorrow also marks the last day before my unrelaxing weekend starts. I'm not excited about this but I am excited to get out of the world where I constantly think and into the world of work where I just memorize orders until I get to the micro station to order them.
There are people in my life I have been relying on that haven't really been there for me lately. I have a feeling that they know this, but they don't care enough to read my blog so they'll never know for sure. I'm a firm believer in the idea that people come into your life for a reason and they leave for a reason, but I also believe that it doesn't have to be pretty when they do leave.
Sometimes life is rough and sometimes you get pushed down but you can't give up. You can't rely on other people because at the end of the day it's just you. You are all you have. Other people will leave you, disgrace you, and throw you under the bus.
In all of this I challenge you today to be okay with you.
For one simple day just be okay with being you and be happy about it.
You are important.
You are beautiful.
You are significant.
Don't be afraid.
09 November 2010
Happy Outcast.
Today in my poetry class we talked a little bit about everyone having a story. The idea that everyone you pass has their own story that is just as complicated and important as yours is a very hard idea for me to grasp. It's hard to think that Hitler had a family that loved and cared for him or that Brittany Spears has to go to the grocery store. All of these things are just hard for me to think about. This probably has a lot to do with me feeling like a happy outcast in this class. I find it hard to believe that life is all sad and dreary "my parents beat me" mumbo. I know that some people do have it rough and I don't mean to come across as cold to others problems but I am a firm believer of what i've come to call a Janie Dossism. One of her, and my, favories is "put on your big girl panties and deal with it." Don't write a poem about it and if you do, use it yourself. Don't put it out there and make people feel sorry for you. But that's enough projecting for one day.
An easier thing for me to believe is that every story has a person. There isn't a doubt in my mind that Liesel Mesiminger isn't out there somewhere reading her books without her Mamma, without her Papa, without her one and only love. She is out there somewhere reading her story to the only person who cares now, Death.
This sounds morbid I know, but it's not, trust me. If you'd like to know more about this story it's one of my favorite books and it's called The Book Theif and is by Markus Zusak. There is a link to the summary at the end of this blog, though I highly suggest you read it. I have a copy if it needs borrowing.
I read this book about every six months and it never gets old. The language and colors Zusak uses are so moving, they have to be real. Just like every time I go to a fair I expect to see a disgruntled Holden Caufield sitting on a bench watching his sister go round and round on the carousel thinking about catching little kids before they fall off of a cliff.
These characters are so real to me that I can't imagine a world where they didn't exist. How do we know we aren't just manifested words on paper. Who's telling your story?
A common theme through this blog is being a proactive member of your own life and I still believe you should do that. Live a life worth telling a story about. Don't hold back and don't ever forget that yours isn't the only story being told. Remember to take a moment and read others stories too because they might, in some weird way, be tangled up in yours.
I believe that everyones story is woven together, some more than others, but never the less they are the same. Just like we are part of our parents stories and our grandparents stories, we just come into them a few chapters in. There are stories out there we don't know about, but we might come to be a big part in.
Maybe this is a stretch but this reminds me so much of the song "The Whole Wide World." The video link is at the end of this blog as well and please ignore the cheesy images. This song talks about going the whole wide world just to find someone who you are supposed to be with. You sit around and feel sorry for yourself when really they are waiting for you, it's just that no one's told them about you yet.
I guess what I'm saying is do something worth while. Don't be a dime store novel. Go out there and be a best seller. Hell, be featured on Oprah's book club if you'd like. Just make your story worth while, or no one will want to read it. Do what makes you happy because if you do that the best you can, then it counts. Doing what makes you happy counts for more than you could imagine. So if during this chapter you take a lot of naps, but you're the happiest person in the world, then that will be a good story.
Be memorable readers. And please don't forget that someone out there would go the whole wide world for you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Book_Thief
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lErHYnIMmTA
An easier thing for me to believe is that every story has a person. There isn't a doubt in my mind that Liesel Mesiminger isn't out there somewhere reading her books without her Mamma, without her Papa, without her one and only love. She is out there somewhere reading her story to the only person who cares now, Death.
This sounds morbid I know, but it's not, trust me. If you'd like to know more about this story it's one of my favorite books and it's called The Book Theif and is by Markus Zusak. There is a link to the summary at the end of this blog, though I highly suggest you read it. I have a copy if it needs borrowing.
I read this book about every six months and it never gets old. The language and colors Zusak uses are so moving, they have to be real. Just like every time I go to a fair I expect to see a disgruntled Holden Caufield sitting on a bench watching his sister go round and round on the carousel thinking about catching little kids before they fall off of a cliff.
These characters are so real to me that I can't imagine a world where they didn't exist. How do we know we aren't just manifested words on paper. Who's telling your story?
A common theme through this blog is being a proactive member of your own life and I still believe you should do that. Live a life worth telling a story about. Don't hold back and don't ever forget that yours isn't the only story being told. Remember to take a moment and read others stories too because they might, in some weird way, be tangled up in yours.
I believe that everyones story is woven together, some more than others, but never the less they are the same. Just like we are part of our parents stories and our grandparents stories, we just come into them a few chapters in. There are stories out there we don't know about, but we might come to be a big part in.
Maybe this is a stretch but this reminds me so much of the song "The Whole Wide World." The video link is at the end of this blog as well and please ignore the cheesy images. This song talks about going the whole wide world just to find someone who you are supposed to be with. You sit around and feel sorry for yourself when really they are waiting for you, it's just that no one's told them about you yet.
I guess what I'm saying is do something worth while. Don't be a dime store novel. Go out there and be a best seller. Hell, be featured on Oprah's book club if you'd like. Just make your story worth while, or no one will want to read it. Do what makes you happy because if you do that the best you can, then it counts. Doing what makes you happy counts for more than you could imagine. So if during this chapter you take a lot of naps, but you're the happiest person in the world, then that will be a good story.
Be memorable readers. And please don't forget that someone out there would go the whole wide world for you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Book_Thief
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lErHYnIMmTA
07 November 2010
Blurb
Tonight I write to you from my usual place, Shoulder deep in my bright pink covers. Although this post is about 7 hours earlier than my normal posts I still feel the same way I usually do. I don't want to leave the comfort of my bed but I fear this time it is for the wrong reason. I'm supposed to go to dinner at one of Shawn's friends houses and I have to admit I am very nervous. I don't get nervous but this has surely done it.
This may not be a big deal for any normal person but it is for me. I have never had to meet new people in this way. Everyone i've dated perviously has had the same friends as me since the fifth grade so this is a little nerve racking for me. Though I am nervous as can be I'm going to get out of bed, put on real pants, and fix my hair. I'm doing this because I need to. Because life is too short to keep yourself in a box and because I haven't done anything today that's scared me. I can assure you, this does that.
Today is the marking of me taking my own advice and not being scared anymore. Nothing can hurt me, unless I let it. Meeting new people shouldn't make me this nervous, or nervous at all. I have confidence in myself and in my surroundings. Plus I have great friends that would fake call and claim emergency..just in case.
So I leave you now with that little blurb of fright.
Do something tonight that scares you.
This may not be a big deal for any normal person but it is for me. I have never had to meet new people in this way. Everyone i've dated perviously has had the same friends as me since the fifth grade so this is a little nerve racking for me. Though I am nervous as can be I'm going to get out of bed, put on real pants, and fix my hair. I'm doing this because I need to. Because life is too short to keep yourself in a box and because I haven't done anything today that's scared me. I can assure you, this does that.
Today is the marking of me taking my own advice and not being scared anymore. Nothing can hurt me, unless I let it. Meeting new people shouldn't make me this nervous, or nervous at all. I have confidence in myself and in my surroundings. Plus I have great friends that would fake call and claim emergency..just in case.
So I leave you now with that little blurb of fright.
Do something tonight that scares you.
02 November 2010
Baz Luhrmann
All i've done today so far is go to poetry. I can't say this was a bad thing, and I can't say I would have done anything more exciting had I chosen to not go. I can just say I went. I've been thinking about a lot of different stuff lately and trying to sort everything out. Nothing bad has been going on, it's just been going. I have school work to do and tests to study for but I also have friends. The few that I have have been rough lately. I know they mean best, but even the best fall down sometimes, right? Sometimes I just need some time, and even the biggest jokers can't take a joke from time to time. I've been stressing about it lately and this video keeps coming to my mind so i've been watching it frequently, I suggest you do the same.
That's all for now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
That's all for now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
01 November 2010
These are the people
For this post it would be easy to cop out and write about Halloween and wearing masks. It's so simple to relate that to my own life, but I choose not to. I had a good Halloween. I got to experience it with my friends and learn new things about them, and some new things about my "old friends" who care too little to actually read this. Along with this I learned a lot about myself.
This weekend I learned that no matter how much I kid myself I still miss home. I miss seeing Aubree in her halloween costume and I miss eating sandwiches from the Exchange. Though I haven't eaten a sandwich from the Exchange in probably....5 years at the least, I still miss it and associate it with home. One of the biggest memories in my head lately has been of mom and I going to get sandwiches for Steve when he was haying. I can't remember who else was there, Grandma and Grandpa, no doubt. The details are iffy to me. The half moon cheese is what I remember most. I don't know why, but that cheese was better than any other. I could eat it every day.
While I was thinking of this I started thinking a lot about my mom. I've missed her the last few times she has called today, and that always makes me sad. I hate not getting to talk to her a few times a day. I know, I'm still attached entirely too much, but I miss her. I've been trying to write a poem about how strong my family is for my poetry class, but I haven't gotten it quite right yet. It's hard to convey on paper, no matter how hard I try.
When I was little I used to want to be just like my mom. I fell out of that phase for a while but in the last few years I've decided it wouldn't be bad at all. She is one of the smartest people I know and is funny too. I don't know anyone else who was singing "Rich Girl" to their 8 year old and dancing in their kitchen before school every morning.
Truth be told, I would be lucky to get even half of the strength my mom has. I know a few posts ago I talked about how strong Steve was being with his illness. I think the two of them are strong for each other and because of each other. This kind of relationship is a foundation in my life. The belief that the love of one person can make you a better person is fundamental to me, and I've come to believe that it is because that is what I grew up around. These two people love each other so much. I know that as their kid I can't even begin to understand their relationship, but I think I am lucky to have it.
I know this is a lot of non halloween mumbo jumbo, but it's my family and I think each of them deserves their own little piece of recognition.
I know life can be hard, and sometimes you want to give up. Just remember that somewhere out there, probably closer than you think, is someone who loves you. They love you more than you know, and probably more than you can know and just knowing that love is out there should make you better. Life is going to go on weather you want it to or not and weather you are in a good mood or not. So you might as well put a smile on and enjoy it. Be active in your life and start making a difference. Be strong like your mother and a lover like your parents.
There is a Jimmy Buffett song "the people your parents warned you about" and I think I've found them. The good friends, and the loving family your parents warned you about. The ones that never leave you. I think those are the people I was warned about.
I hope everyones halloween went well and that your week goes well too.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but I'll cut it off here.
Just know reader, that though I may not know you, ever meet you, or be able to hug you, I love you.
Goodnight.
This weekend I learned that no matter how much I kid myself I still miss home. I miss seeing Aubree in her halloween costume and I miss eating sandwiches from the Exchange. Though I haven't eaten a sandwich from the Exchange in probably....5 years at the least, I still miss it and associate it with home. One of the biggest memories in my head lately has been of mom and I going to get sandwiches for Steve when he was haying. I can't remember who else was there, Grandma and Grandpa, no doubt. The details are iffy to me. The half moon cheese is what I remember most. I don't know why, but that cheese was better than any other. I could eat it every day.
While I was thinking of this I started thinking a lot about my mom. I've missed her the last few times she has called today, and that always makes me sad. I hate not getting to talk to her a few times a day. I know, I'm still attached entirely too much, but I miss her. I've been trying to write a poem about how strong my family is for my poetry class, but I haven't gotten it quite right yet. It's hard to convey on paper, no matter how hard I try.
When I was little I used to want to be just like my mom. I fell out of that phase for a while but in the last few years I've decided it wouldn't be bad at all. She is one of the smartest people I know and is funny too. I don't know anyone else who was singing "Rich Girl" to their 8 year old and dancing in their kitchen before school every morning.
Truth be told, I would be lucky to get even half of the strength my mom has. I know a few posts ago I talked about how strong Steve was being with his illness. I think the two of them are strong for each other and because of each other. This kind of relationship is a foundation in my life. The belief that the love of one person can make you a better person is fundamental to me, and I've come to believe that it is because that is what I grew up around. These two people love each other so much. I know that as their kid I can't even begin to understand their relationship, but I think I am lucky to have it.
I know this is a lot of non halloween mumbo jumbo, but it's my family and I think each of them deserves their own little piece of recognition.
I know life can be hard, and sometimes you want to give up. Just remember that somewhere out there, probably closer than you think, is someone who loves you. They love you more than you know, and probably more than you can know and just knowing that love is out there should make you better. Life is going to go on weather you want it to or not and weather you are in a good mood or not. So you might as well put a smile on and enjoy it. Be active in your life and start making a difference. Be strong like your mother and a lover like your parents.
There is a Jimmy Buffett song "the people your parents warned you about" and I think I've found them. The good friends, and the loving family your parents warned you about. The ones that never leave you. I think those are the people I was warned about.
I hope everyones halloween went well and that your week goes well too.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but I'll cut it off here.
Just know reader, that though I may not know you, ever meet you, or be able to hug you, I love you.
Goodnight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)