Koleen's Insomnia: Take One

The first time I met Kenny Wiley he knocked on my dorm room door wearing a three piece suit. When I moved into my new dorm second semester of my freshmen year I was greeted with all kinds of emotions about new floor mates (rude at the time but they're half alright now ha), suite style living, and figuring out how to live four people to a room instead of two. Kenny reassured me that he was right down the hall if I needed anything and that he also didn't always look that fancy.

Now, a year later, I still see Kenny on a weekly basis even though I do not live on his floor anymore. I've recently been informed of the loss of his mother. For some reason this has just stuck with me. She has been gone for over a month and I had no idea. He kept himself composed and led on no signs of hurt. I think this is a very admirable trait and I felt like it needed to be mentioned here. If you must know I have reached out to Kenny and am patiently awaiting a response.

I find myself in the total darkness, sans the light from my laptop. I lay here in my bed, all tucked in, insanely tired, and unable to sleep. I find more often than not I am the monster under my bed that keeps me up at night. Though I can't pinpoint it, I know there is something wrong, something off here, and if I don't figure it out soon, I might as well kiss my normal sleep pattern goodbye.

Blogging usually makes me feel better so I thought I'd give that a shot. I know not many people read my blog, but it's important to me so I'm going to try and keep doing it. If you are one of the few that still read it, thanks for sticking with me, it means a lot. Speaking of blogs I'd like to give a shout out to my Mom's blog at Pea Goulash. She talks about my family, posts pictures, and tells funny little stories.

While we're on the topic of my Mom, I've really been missing home lately. I think it's the fact that I'm the only bird out of the nest that makes me miss it so much. Elizabeth moved home a few weeks ago and I am suddenly finding myself singing the homesick blues. I don't think I will be able to go home until Spring Break at the end of March due to my exam schedule. The business school thinks that it's a fun idea to schedule all of it's sophomore level classes to have tests in the same two or three day period. I not only miss my Mom but my whole family. I miss getting Krispy Kremes with my Dad, eating dinner at my Grandpa and Grandma's on Sundays after church, and just falling asleep on my big blue couch. I have my family here at school that is fantastic and just what I need, but it's never really the same.

While I was getting ready the other day I remembered standing in my bathroom at my old house, one bathroom for five people so it was a family space, and drying my hair. I couldn't have been very old, and maybe I just dreamed it all up, but I was standing there with sopping wet hair and my mom told me to filp my head over and start rubbing my towel all over my head because "that's what the big girls do." I don't know why I thought of this, but I realized I think of it often when I step out of the shower, right before I put on my clean shirt, in that time specially reserved for hair drying. In that time, I realize I'm being a big girl.

I think being like Kenny is what big girls do. They go about their day, smiling and throwing out waves whenever you're old freshmen residents give you a "HEEEEEY KEEEENNNNY!!!" from across the street. Maybe not. Maybe being a big girl is letting your parents know you miss them and that you wish you could be with them. Maybe it's just learning how to properly use a blow dryer.

I feel a little more tired, and a little more self assured so I think I might curl up and try to sleep. I have an accounting class to go to in about four hours but I can't seem to concentrate on it. I've done a lot of homework tonight and I feel accomplished for that but I can't seem to get over this eyelid-opening hump.
I'll leave you with this Coldplay lyric that's playing via Pandora right now:

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.....No one ever said it was easy, no one ever said that it would be this hard."

Wish me luck readers, roll credits.

Special Thanks to:
Janie Doss- Mom/story affirmer/best friend
Shawn Clark-rude floor mate/great boyfriend
Morgan Stone-bff/nap partner
Dorothy Gill-listener/friend
Spencer Cook-basketball superstar
Steve Kay-Dad/doughnut eater
Kenny Wiley-PA/"big girl"
Heather Shade-reader/old friend.